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"like i've quietly lost my life. it's the awareness of that. like i woke from a nap and realized i wasn't who i dreamed i was. whatever you call that is how i feel. scared, maybe."
~john dufresne

"judi looked at me. my eyes dropped to the table, to my little mound of crumbs. i blew on them. i said, "you loose a wallet or keys or something and you notice in a second. but your life can go missing and you don't even know it."

~john dufresne

"he cannot think without talking, he lacks a silent dialouge with himself."

~john dufresne

"in my dream, martha and i sat in a small boat, a twelve-foot tender. martha wore a yellow slicker and a sou'wester. first we sat side by side on the rowing thwart, the way i like it, then face-to-face, the way martha likes it. she told me that it did not depend on logic, reason, or material evidence. it's ineffable, she said, a belief, not a thought. it is willed, not anticipated. i thought she was talking about faith. not faith, she said. love. now our little boat lifted in the swelling sea, and i could make out the silhouette of shore, and then i couldn't; now a glimpse of dense forest, and then not. we were without oars or life jackets. not smart of us. i gripped the gunwales. martha said, it's a public admission of abject failure, an absolute loss of hope, a profound disgrace, a deadly shame. i thought she was talking about divorce. not divorce, she said. suicide. you don't have to live through it. and then our tender swamped and battered against the reef. when the bow broke, martha tumbled into the ocean and vanished. i gripped the floating transom. i thought, if you cling to the wreckage, you might be saved; you might not drown. "

~john dufresne

" i thought about the secrets our bodies have, what they keep from us. our bdies have lives of their own. we have nothing to say about whats going on deep in our tissue."

~john dufresne